I'm comin' home...
I had been gone since Thursday when I left before the sun was up to catch a 7:00 am flight. I hadn't wanted to leave the night before and miss yet another bed time, so I opted for a 4:00am alarm sound instead...it felt early.
The time away was fine, but lacked something. I felt lonely, which is typical for me, but a loneliness that isn't typical plagued my days. The show was slow, thus leaving more time to sit and think in the absence of customers to sell to. I tried to occupy my time by making friends, which I did, and doing as much work as I could...so that it wouldn't pile up thus taking more time away when I did get home.
And then it hit...it felt like the flu to a degree...but oddly didn't result in the flu. I was tired to the point of heavy lids, my muscled felt weak and unable to hold me (which could have also been from the "travelers diet"), my hands shaky and my stomach in knots. I felt to weak to cry and to tired to call Scott...also too nervous to call thinking I might break down. I wondered if it could be some sort of overexertion or something...who knows. All I know is that it didn't subside. The next day was horrible.
I was in physical and emotional pain as I attempted to get through the day...baby stepping to 2:00. As it neared I felt a little better with each minute. Once at the airport I had left too much time. I had too much time to sit and watch...the families...the babies...the people alone who longed to be home too.
The plane ride went fast..with small children to smile at and a truly delightful couple who gave me countless tips on gardening and a wealth of knowledge...which they were so happy to share.
I drove home...I don't even remember it...I at this point, had to take something to ease the pain...getting home would help. I just knew it.
I walked in the door greeted by two dogs who acted as if I'd been away forever...wagging their nub tails so hard I thought their bodies would fold in half. He walked in...smiling from ear to ear. The kind of smile he only gets when he's excited...I was so calmed to know he was as excited to see me as I was him. His grinning didn't cease as we hugged and chatted and joked around.
And then it happened...I think my emotions got the best of me. My feelings were hurt...but I'm not really sure about what. Maybe it was about the one-too-many jokes about me feeling ill. "Come on! It's not like you can even say you hear me complain about feeling ill more than 3 times a year!", I wanted to say. Cause that's a huge deal...right? That I feel validated in my illness. Foolish....I realize now...but my emotions got me.
But we broke down the walls and we snuggled up for the chilliest night I have felt in a long while. My Sylvi woke to use our bathroom in the middle of the night...I snuck in to say hello...her smiles so resembles her fathers...even through her squinty midnight face she knew it was me and was so smiley! It felt great. Pearl graced us with an early morning snuggle at about 6:00am at which time I decided I couldn't bear to wake the Big's up any earlier than their bodies would do on their own. Scott concurred and we all lay snuggled up for a bit longer...
Until, of course, the snooze kept ringing. Amidst the snooze going off I could hear Scott barely break his slumber to turn it off and continue to "sleep breathe" as I call it. Me? Oh no...I'm fully awake at each buzz....and it continued for far too long until he got out of bed. I snuggled Pearl as long as I could...until her sweet eyes had no tired left in them.
My warm toes left the bed, hitting the chilled carpet and then the even chillier wood floors. On down I went to snuggle Pearl in a blanket with "Max and Ruby" and brew a nice cup of Joe. But...again my emotions were pulled to their limits...there was no coffee! Such a small thing...but such a big effect. I thought Scott said he was getting some and he thought different...but now here I am...Monday morning and no coffee. I was disappointed to say the least. "What's this pot in the sink?", I asked...knowing full well it was from the night before I left. "Could you please put the vacuum away?", "How many pairs of shoes do you need at the front door honey?" I nagged. Yep...I nagged...nicely I beg you...but nagging none the less. My emotions...darn them!
He offered to take the Big's to school...kissed me goodbye as he was heading out of town now and said, "I'm sorry for teasing you too much last night."...I smiled and kissed him goodbye. I knew what I had done. It was all me. I smiled at him again, wishing him well and safe travels...hoping that he would forget what an attitude I had.
And of course...he did. And brought me back a Caribou to brighten my day. I really hope that's the last time I let my emotions get the best of me.