What is with tonight?


The other evening a friend had stopped and offered to sit while I went for a run. My answer? YEAH! So off I went on a beautiful evening run. This I rarely get the chance to do...it is usually our family time and I don't give that up so easily. It was a bit chilly and I could almost see my breath. The sun was on it's way down and as the music filled my ears I welled up a bit just feeling completely at one with my thoughts. Yes, again I was thinking of my brother. It is fall...fall means a whole plethora of things he loved. Fall means memories for me....times of being outside, times of bonfires, times of 4 wheeling at my parents, times of many memories. My run was smooth...my stride paced. I felt great...."I should tack on a mile" I thought. And so I continued along my route feeling hopeful and peaceful about my state of mind...eased about my day and completely calm about my constantly changing emotions. And that's when things began to shift.


A black pickup truck passed me about a mile out and with 3 men abreast...they all waved. "Do I know them?" I thought...."No...who is that?". I couldn't figure it out...and so I continued. Many times I have been waved at and many more have I not recognized the face. My stride continued to feel effortless and I passed through the thick, chilled air. My breathing was slow and steady....an occasional deep breath to clear my lungs and then back to slow and steady. "What?...now who's that?", as another car passed and waved.


Another couple miles in I was back to just about where I was waved at the first time....when the strangest thing happened. A red pick up...identical to my brothers...passed me with a young man...looking much like my brother....bopping his head as if to know the music I was listening to. I stopped.dead.in.my.tracks. "Was that???? NO...that is impossible!...He's....Was that???". Standing there in the middle of the road looking back at this truck time stood still. This has never happened before...I have seen many who look "like" or sound "similar"...but nothing as identical as this. And why tonight? Does this have anything to do with the other 2 incidents...did they call one another? Whoever they are! Of course I began to cry and the truck faded into the curve and I turned and began again.


I continued my quest to gain a mile...tears welled in my eyes...thoughts racing. "God would you really give me a glimpse like that? Was that a tease? Or am I just looking for something! My breath steady and slow I began up a new hill....the setting sun at my back....I feel engulfed by a beam. I know.....this is beginning to sound "iffy" to me too! But none.the.less this light was warming my back and shining beyond me almost as if it was coming to a point at the end. I look back. It was the sun...setting...just as I "thought". But why is it coming to a point...it is directly behind me and there is nothing in it's path to cause it to taper like that. Well...nothing I could see. As I ran up that hill, toward the taper I realized it was pointing at nothing odd. Just a tree at the end of the hill...a beautiful tree. Not much unlike the several trees that preceded...but it looked beautiful in the light.


And so...I leave myself with this. I don't know why those things happened. I don't know if I was looking for something or I was shown something. I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse. But I do know that at the end of the day I am not much unlike many other hurting people out there. But there are times that I just need to bask in the light being beautiful in His sight.

Comments

** Sara ** said…
I have done the same with my brother. During a run as well, I saw a truck and thought to myself, "Brian must be on his way home, wonder where he went.." Then it hits you.. never easy, but we're praying for you.
Miss said…
wow. What a beautiful writting. I dont know what elxe to say except you made me cry.
Barbara said…
I can't pretend to know what you are going thru - except two of my dearest friends both lost teenage boys - one actually lost two sons.

I know you have your family, and your Savior and you know you will see Zach again someday. But I'm glad you have your running.

I am not a runner - but my friend that lost two sons has always been and it was very therapeutic for her.

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