Emotions are running high

There were so many things that I thought would come of my "vacation" to North Dakota. I had hoped for some rest...relaxation...time with my children...retrospection...conversations with my God...time with my mother and sis..and I really hoped for this trip to solve my inner issues.
I have to say that I actually begged for some of these things to happen...desperately I needed a getaway. An escape from my revolving door, my ringing phone, my full calendar and my full brain. I was feeling trapped, trapped in my own home and skin. It would be a misunderstanding to think that I am saying I am not comfortable in my skin...I am...I was just feeling trapped in a place I didn't like.

So many things happened while I was gone. I can't say that all of the things I wanted to happened...or that they didn't. I am really not sure where the trip left me. I feel like something happened...I am just not sure what and how it affects the things I had hoped would happen.

These are some things I KNOW happened. I know that I spent some priceless time with my mother and children. I KNOW that I was able to relax and let down my guard. I know that I had countless conversations with my God. But how this all affects me I am not sure.

I also know that being in that tiny town makes me want to move to an unknown place and bring a select few with me. I want to be self sustaining and have no phone, no fax (of course I want Internet) and find solace in my family, friends and surrounding.

We arrived home to the same revolving door that we left...the same phone ringing...the same people and same schedule. Something, however, is different. I know digress to hear what that is.

Does this ever happen to any of you? Where your emotions are running so high and I can feel that there are many reasons why...I am just not sure what those reasons are?


Megan said…
Oh yes...yesterday my sis came over, and I found myself talking to her, and I felt like she wasn't listening. Until I realized it was because my son was talking to her too at the same time, and I felt, I don't know what then, but I just wanted to talk and be heard. By my sister. I wanted to be me for a moment and not talk over my 3 year old, while holding a baby who, by the way, had just pooped up her back while I'm trying to clean maca n' cheese off of the 17 month old. I felt unlike my usual self at that moment. My sister starts teaching again soon, I thought to myself, when she goes back, she won't be just "dropping by" to chat. What will I do?
That was just the beginning to my uneasiness.
Emotions are lovely.
Megan said…
I was just thinking about this too. Even though your life may seem crazy busy maybe there is a way to find some balance. I'm the opposite to you, in that sometimes I crave for the phone to ring, or a friend to stop by. Truth is that most of my friends seem "too busy" for me, though most do not even have children yet. I do not live next to a best friend, or things that I would love to have, especially now that I will be a stay at home mom. Lately the friends I have been making already have really close friendships, and I tend to be a "surface" friend, if that makes sense. So, cherish what you have, because sometimes that whole "grass is greener on the other side", is just not as green as we think.
-Although a day or two of quietness in your own home, well, you sure do deserve it!
Megan said…
just for fun, I'm posting again...just to bug ya!
Have a great day!
Well the truth is that I LOVE company, conversations and visitors. It is just that over the last couple of years, the amount has increased exponentially. I am a very social person who is energized by crowds...but as a mom I have come to love/need/enjoy/crave alone time with my children. So when I talk about visitors...it's not that I don't want them...maybe just not so many (same is true for phone calls and things). But for me..there are deeper emotions cooking. I, as I said, am not sure what...but I am praying that God will reveal these things to me. I hope you can be comforted and know that life does, somehow, retunr to normal after a while.
Miss said…
I can feel these deep things cooking FOR you.
I spent the entire week praying for you. Your heart. Your spirit. Your sanity! =)

Yours and Megans comments here just show taht no matter how wonderful something is...TOO much of either can take us down!

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