All about a dress.

My day today began the same way as usual. Waking at 4:30 for a feeding, waking my husband at 5:00, being awoken again at 6:00 for a feeding and the final waking by the "bigs" at 6:30. Little did I realize this morning, would turn out to be my most shameful morning to date. For this morning I shamed my title as a mother.

The children were children. No less. If I had to charge them with a crime it would have been Lallygagging, Poor Listening Skills & Sass talk. This I assure was not enough to deserve what I did. I yelled. I don't mean the kind of yell that passes without notice. I yelled with conviction for a few moments. I realize that it was mere moments but...those mere moments have shamed me. For I am the adult...and in those moments I lost control. I forgot how merciful my Saviour is on me every second and granted no mercies to my children. you may think I am being dramatic. But his is all to prove a bear with me.

After I had committed this offense, all so that we could arrive at pre-school on time (which we did NOT), we headed out the door. Where I proceeded to bawl my eyes out until we arrived 3 miles away at school. It was there that I step foot out of my vehicle and put on a smile. I apologized again to my daughter and asked her forgiveness...and of a split second she granted it. You see...she probably granted it before my rant had even ended. Children are so easy to forgive and so easy to love regardless of our mistakes. None the less...they needed to know I was wrong and that I needed their forgiveness!

After dropping Lilly at school I proceeded to apologize to the rest, accepting their forgiveness, and looking at them with shameful eyes.

We then proceeded, with our ever so convincing smile, to go to Target. It was there that my concern for an outfit to wear to a wedding this weekend took over. I won't go into the story about my clothing inventory situation, but just know...I have no outfit worthy of a wedding at this time. We proceeded along....still concerned...bringing home several options that didn't work.

Now my mind is ailed with 2 yelling at the children and what I might wear on Saturday. Until the phone rings.

It's my mom. I need to call the school to talk to my nephew. He needs to talk to someone. I do that and am immediately lambasted at what conversation we are having.

He is looking for advice and sollice. He needs to talk to someone he can trust. That's us. But...actuall...right now that me! Because Scott is in meetings all day...and so I am the ear on the other end. My nephew and I proceed to talk about what is going on and I am immediately brought to my knees.

My concerns for the day were that I yelled at my children....ONCE....and that I didn't have a dress to wear on Saturday. His concerns...I assure you....are much more severe. He is concerned for his mother and family. He is concerned for their safety, their financial well being, their physical well being and his mothers mental state. And...let me just remind you...he is in High School. He is 17. Is it just me? Do these things seem like something that a boy should be worried about? He doesn't even have his license. He doesn't know where he is going to school next year or what he is doing! He doesn't have a job. But...these are the toils that plague his mind.

And I am concerned about a dress!!! What kind of believer am I? There are those among me..brothers and sisters...who are struggling to this extent and I am worried about a dress. We have prayed for them...we have invited them over...but how hard have we really tried to commit ourselves to their eternal security?

The truth. We haven't. And I, for one, am ashamed. That they are at their end and I am just not getting it.

Well...I do. I get it. I am in this thing. I was invited in by my nephew, but I am in it for God.

As ashamed as I am for yelling at my children this morning, I am more ashamed that I have let this go this long. That I have allowed these important people in my life to get passed to the wayside, while I live my blessed life.
Please pray for him and his family.


amanda said…
beautifully written. and i too have had the same sort of 'days'. stay strong. and fight the good fight.
Hilary said…
Awesome post. Thanks for being so honest and sharing this.

Jazzy said…
Thanks for sharing. And yes, we do only live a few blocks away and we both cook eggs in a hole:) You must be a VERY good cook!

By the way, I met your sister at my neighbor Kelsie's house a while back (we had a movie night, a birth movie of all things to watch!) and you both seem like the nicest people. I have never been close to my sisters, and it is fun to see siblings that look like they have an amazing relationship like you two.
It's kind of weird, I feel like I know you, my co-worker Sue Pike talks about you all the time and how great you are! I tell her I only know you through your blog, but I can see that you are indeed a great person!
I hope you have a wonderful day!
Ehlan said…
Thanks for sharing. I too ahve had my yelling moments the last week and have felt very shameful and upset about them--but those few moments are nothing compared to what others deal with. Perspective!
Megan Marie said…
most mothers go through are not alone...but it is a humbling experience when we think of what Jesus did and does for us. First...clothes stink...second, yelling stinks, third...reality check priceless! I seem to be getting them alot lately! Thanks for sharing!

Popular Posts